Maybe TV is right, TV is always right...

We have a TV in our office, though it's covered with some cloth and I didn't notice it until last week when several women turned it on periodically to check the score in the cricket Australia vs. India games.

Just now, they turned it on again, and everyone who is in the office (several women are out today on various trainings) came and crowded around. I inquired about the commotion and someone explained that it was a wedding of a famous Telugu movies star's second daughter. I was confused as to why this was exciting to them, let alone newsworthy. The wedding wasn't particularly glamorous, and I thought perhaps the lines of squiggly Telugu going by on the news screen might have offered some sort of explanation (but alas, my Telugu training does not start until next week).

After several minutes of watching, they turned of the TV. One of them noticed my bewildered look and said, "that is the daughter of a famous movie star. She is getting married... against her parent's wishes." I asked how they knew that, and they said why else would it be so sensationalized by the press?

My knowledge of arranged marriages is still quite limited. I know that it is quite common in India, and seems to involve parents choosing a match for their child based on various factors. The divorce rate is much lower; however, divorce seems to be heavily stigmatized here, and the blame is placed largely on the woman (regardless if she left an abusive relationship, she is criticized for not having been able to take care of her husband). Of the various married women in my office, many of them had arranged marriages. My supervisor had a 'love marriage' also known as a 'choice marriage'; my counterpart (who is my age) said she would never have an arranged marriage. Someone from Shlayma's work asked me if I would have an arranged marriage or a love marriage, and I tried to explain that arranged marriages aren't really something we consider in my culture. One of my roommates said a woman in her office told her about her arranged marriage. She said that she was too shy to speak to her future husband, so he would come over and talk and she would listen. She never spoke to him until their wedding day.

I'm trying to be aware of the fact that I am in a different culture where they have different customs and beliefs that are informed by different values, call it being culturally sensitive or having an open mind. I like the fact that I am working with an Indian NGO that is working on issues they see as important for women in India; I don't know if I would be comfortable working for a Western NGO that was intent on making change in some foreign country, imposing our views on them. Us vs. Them. The civilized vs. the Other. This way, I know I am working alongside 20 individuals who believe that we need to change the position of woman in India - and each of these individuals are female and Indian, and are educated in fields related to our work.